Thank you so much for this and the preceding essay. It was nice to come across thoughts on this issue that treaded a more compassionate, yet skeptical, middle ground. It’s hard to find anything that’s not screaming about it from the far ends of the various spectrums.
I only wish I had your essays earlier in the year. It would of helped me to articulate my thoughts about it with my daughter who was, out of the blue, entertaining these ideas. I would share about how when I was her age, 30+ years ago, I had no idea that one could transition. It wasn’t even a thought of possibility to me. Other than a passing news story or crude jokes some adults made I never heard of this stuff. Kids these days just have to navigate such complicated issues.
In the end everything turned out fine. Just another parenting road bump.
I’ve never looked at any of the TikToks that do the ticks and Tourette’s. I’m aware of them from Reddit and the mocking they get there. I like your idea a lot for an explanation. Mine was that it was an easy avenue to build content. If one isn’t funny or interesting or talented or outrageous or have an ability to make some sort of engaging content one could try their hand at easily replicated actions in an attempt to make some kind of content. “Look at me I have multiple personality disorder that changes constantly and also suffer from Tourette's and its accompanying tics, but only when the camera is on.”
Anyway, I’m looking forward to reading more of your writing.
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! I'm really glad to hear your daughter is doing fine now! Most of the stories I hear are devastating, with few happy endings.
I think you're right that it's an easy way to build content (having something outrageous out there) -- and it's natural that a guy like Jan who had mild Tourette's and wanted to create content ended up making that his "brand" -- I'm fascinated, though, by which things happen to take hold in the public imagination. I'm guessing for every popular "tic" account and every popular transition account beloved by teens, there are a hundred other outrageous things that don't catch on.
I agree with you that I see a big component of "look at me" -- a certain emotional need seems to underlie a lot of these conditions. Of course _everyone_ has the natural wish to be seen. But just as cutting, say, or a non-lethal suicide attempt are considered cries for help / cries for attention, I think a lot of the kids who are latching onto trans as an explanation for their problems (or those who develop "tics") are really suffering with something else as the cause.
It's likely that the causes are as individual as the kids involved. For some kids, the routine (but still difficult) pains and stresses of adolescence are enough to make them question their gender and make them wonder whether they'd be happier with a different type of body or different type of life experience. For other kids, there are serious underlying issues that haven't been addressed -- such as sexual abuse, or a dissatisfaction with their own sexuality, or even things like parental neglect due to other serious things going on in the family -- and the kids find community and "easy answers" which they believe will solve everything.
The kids who are worst affected by this issue -- whose parents find that it wasn't just another parenting road bump -- are precisely those who need the most emotional support and to be steered in the direction of caring relationships, self-reflection and self-love.
As an official senior citizen (65 last week), I would like to share some wisdom I got from a friend when our kids were young. She said that all kids need x-amount of attention, and if they don't get it in positive ways, they will get it in negative ways. The x-amount is different for each child, but they will each try to get the amount that they need. Has that x-amount increased exponentially with the advent of social media? And what, if anything, can be done to bring it back down to more realistic levels?
That’s an interesting thought!! I wonder whether the kids now need more attention than in earlier times. or whether they are getting less than in earlier times? ( for instance fewer family dinners, less likelihood of having a parent at home, more scheduled activities but less family time? I really don’t know.
I think there's no doubt the need for attention has grown tremendously, simply because ordinary people have more access. Instagram, twitter, etc provide possibility for attention/fame that only movie stars could get in days gone by.
It used to be enough to just be one of the cool kids in school. Now kids crave the likes, views and clicks from strangers on social media. It's odd, but social media seems to have driven a huge need for attention at the same time that it enforces a rigid conformity of thought.
More family time is of course a good thing, but I think the problem goes beyond that.
I agree -- I wasn't suggesting that more family dinners (or whatever) would cure anything. I was just speculating. Peer groups have been important to teens for a long time, while family influence diminishes. That's been true in the US for at least a hundred years. But it's also true that this trend has been accelerating -- with even more peer influence, even less family time and influence, and it doesn't seem like a good thing. Kids might seem perfectly content not to engage with their family and with the "real" (not-online) world, but it could (just speculating) be increasing that neediness for attention you describe.
Just as women who look at a lot of airbrushed photos of models tend to be more unhappy with their own appearance, kids who see influencers getting a lot of attention might become more dissatisfied with the amount of attention they're getting -- at the same time when they're spending less time with the people who love them most of all.
Hmmm...this is the second time today that I've heard something to the effect of "parental neglect". The first in a documentary on trans kids in which a licensed physician said something just as much. Because a kid become trans, doesn't mean the parents were neglectful. It could be that the seeds planted by someone more sinister could not be overcome by parents and/or therapists especially when they become adults.
No no. I think for some kids it’s just a developmental phase— like every kid goes through some body awkwardness and discomfort right? And so literally every child is at risk of being caught up in this.
And by no means am I “blaming” parents. I didn’t even mean “neglect” in the social services sense. More like “neglect” in the sense that, say, one of the parents lost their job and is focused on money issues, or one of the other siblings is very sick. Something that makes it so the kid is receiving less attention and then is enticed by the attention they can find elsewhere?
There are as many reasons for a kid to be drawn to this as there are kids in the world.
Bravo, it's time somebody injected what we used to call "common sense" into this issue. It is child abuse to encourage these children to run from reality, rather than face whatever real issues they may have. This is especially true when the proposed "cure" is so fundamentally life-altering.
Thanks, Heyjude. To me, transition is unthinkable for any child. I can’t imagine a parent hearing that and thinking, “Yes, that’s a good idea. That might help my kid. Let’s do it.” And yet I’ve known parents who get behind this idea. They love their kids deeply and really want the best for them. Are they going to wake up one morning and realize the harm they’ve done? Or will the cognitive dissonance prevent them from understanding what they’ve done?
Will it be like the Satanic daycare panic, where no one ever says out loud “This was crazy, this was wrong”— it just kind of faded away? Will anyone take responsibility for the harm done to these kids?
Thank you so much for this and the preceding essay. It was nice to come across thoughts on this issue that treaded a more compassionate, yet skeptical, middle ground. It’s hard to find anything that’s not screaming about it from the far ends of the various spectrums.
I only wish I had your essays earlier in the year. It would of helped me to articulate my thoughts about it with my daughter who was, out of the blue, entertaining these ideas. I would share about how when I was her age, 30+ years ago, I had no idea that one could transition. It wasn’t even a thought of possibility to me. Other than a passing news story or crude jokes some adults made I never heard of this stuff. Kids these days just have to navigate such complicated issues.
In the end everything turned out fine. Just another parenting road bump.
I’ve never looked at any of the TikToks that do the ticks and Tourette’s. I’m aware of them from Reddit and the mocking they get there. I like your idea a lot for an explanation. Mine was that it was an easy avenue to build content. If one isn’t funny or interesting or talented or outrageous or have an ability to make some sort of engaging content one could try their hand at easily replicated actions in an attempt to make some kind of content. “Look at me I have multiple personality disorder that changes constantly and also suffer from Tourette's and its accompanying tics, but only when the camera is on.”
Anyway, I’m looking forward to reading more of your writing.
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! I'm really glad to hear your daughter is doing fine now! Most of the stories I hear are devastating, with few happy endings.
I think you're right that it's an easy way to build content (having something outrageous out there) -- and it's natural that a guy like Jan who had mild Tourette's and wanted to create content ended up making that his "brand" -- I'm fascinated, though, by which things happen to take hold in the public imagination. I'm guessing for every popular "tic" account and every popular transition account beloved by teens, there are a hundred other outrageous things that don't catch on.
I agree with you that I see a big component of "look at me" -- a certain emotional need seems to underlie a lot of these conditions. Of course _everyone_ has the natural wish to be seen. But just as cutting, say, or a non-lethal suicide attempt are considered cries for help / cries for attention, I think a lot of the kids who are latching onto trans as an explanation for their problems (or those who develop "tics") are really suffering with something else as the cause.
It's likely that the causes are as individual as the kids involved. For some kids, the routine (but still difficult) pains and stresses of adolescence are enough to make them question their gender and make them wonder whether they'd be happier with a different type of body or different type of life experience. For other kids, there are serious underlying issues that haven't been addressed -- such as sexual abuse, or a dissatisfaction with their own sexuality, or even things like parental neglect due to other serious things going on in the family -- and the kids find community and "easy answers" which they believe will solve everything.
The kids who are worst affected by this issue -- whose parents find that it wasn't just another parenting road bump -- are precisely those who need the most emotional support and to be steered in the direction of caring relationships, self-reflection and self-love.
How do we do that? No easy answers.
As an official senior citizen (65 last week), I would like to share some wisdom I got from a friend when our kids were young. She said that all kids need x-amount of attention, and if they don't get it in positive ways, they will get it in negative ways. The x-amount is different for each child, but they will each try to get the amount that they need. Has that x-amount increased exponentially with the advent of social media? And what, if anything, can be done to bring it back down to more realistic levels?
That’s an interesting thought!! I wonder whether the kids now need more attention than in earlier times. or whether they are getting less than in earlier times? ( for instance fewer family dinners, less likelihood of having a parent at home, more scheduled activities but less family time? I really don’t know.
I think there's no doubt the need for attention has grown tremendously, simply because ordinary people have more access. Instagram, twitter, etc provide possibility for attention/fame that only movie stars could get in days gone by.
It used to be enough to just be one of the cool kids in school. Now kids crave the likes, views and clicks from strangers on social media. It's odd, but social media seems to have driven a huge need for attention at the same time that it enforces a rigid conformity of thought.
More family time is of course a good thing, but I think the problem goes beyond that.
I agree -- I wasn't suggesting that more family dinners (or whatever) would cure anything. I was just speculating. Peer groups have been important to teens for a long time, while family influence diminishes. That's been true in the US for at least a hundred years. But it's also true that this trend has been accelerating -- with even more peer influence, even less family time and influence, and it doesn't seem like a good thing. Kids might seem perfectly content not to engage with their family and with the "real" (not-online) world, but it could (just speculating) be increasing that neediness for attention you describe.
Just as women who look at a lot of airbrushed photos of models tend to be more unhappy with their own appearance, kids who see influencers getting a lot of attention might become more dissatisfied with the amount of attention they're getting -- at the same time when they're spending less time with the people who love them most of all.
Again -- pure speculation. Who knows.
Hmmm...this is the second time today that I've heard something to the effect of "parental neglect". The first in a documentary on trans kids in which a licensed physician said something just as much. Because a kid become trans, doesn't mean the parents were neglectful. It could be that the seeds planted by someone more sinister could not be overcome by parents and/or therapists especially when they become adults.
No no. I think for some kids it’s just a developmental phase— like every kid goes through some body awkwardness and discomfort right? And so literally every child is at risk of being caught up in this.
And by no means am I “blaming” parents. I didn’t even mean “neglect” in the social services sense. More like “neglect” in the sense that, say, one of the parents lost their job and is focused on money issues, or one of the other siblings is very sick. Something that makes it so the kid is receiving less attention and then is enticed by the attention they can find elsewhere?
There are as many reasons for a kid to be drawn to this as there are kids in the world.
Bravo, it's time somebody injected what we used to call "common sense" into this issue. It is child abuse to encourage these children to run from reality, rather than face whatever real issues they may have. This is especially true when the proposed "cure" is so fundamentally life-altering.
Thanks, Heyjude. To me, transition is unthinkable for any child. I can’t imagine a parent hearing that and thinking, “Yes, that’s a good idea. That might help my kid. Let’s do it.” And yet I’ve known parents who get behind this idea. They love their kids deeply and really want the best for them. Are they going to wake up one morning and realize the harm they’ve done? Or will the cognitive dissonance prevent them from understanding what they’ve done?
Will it be like the Satanic daycare panic, where no one ever says out loud “This was crazy, this was wrong”— it just kind of faded away? Will anyone take responsibility for the harm done to these kids?
Well written. I particularly liked this analogy - “boy’s elbow in a girl’s body” or a “Korean’s brain in a Norwegian’s body.”.
Thank you, MamaBearProud. I appreciate you stopping by and I appreciate the comment!
Great read.. Thanks
Thanks, Christian!
Thank you for your well reasoned essays on this topic!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!
Another very well written essay, thank you.
Thanks, Mark!